A Psychological Reflection on Grace, Shame, and Boundaries
In the world of therapeutic work, we often speak of “unconditional positive regard.” But outside the therapy room, judgment is currency. People pass verdicts in silence, in public praise withheld, in whispered opinions behind closed doors. It’s exhausting. Especially when you’re the one quietly serving, giving, healing, with no expectation of applause.
“Judge me when you are perfect” is not defiance. It’s a boundary. It’s psychology in motion: a refusal to internalize shame that was never yours to carry.
Why Judgment Stings
According to social psychologist Leon Festinger, humans are wired for social comparison. We evaluate ourselves by measuring against others, often under the illusion that someone else’s judgment reflects absolute truth. But psychological truth tells a different story:
– Shame often originates in early relationships where approval was conditional.
– Adult judgment tends to echo unresolved projections; what others can’t accept in themselves, they condemn in you.
Healing Through Imperfection
To say “judge me when you are perfect” is to name the impossibility of perfection. It’s a call for empathy over evaluation. Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” n naming your imperfection, you don’t plead for grace you embody it.
Boundaries as Sacred Ground
When your work goes unseen, when your sacrifices are quietly erased, it’s tempting to let bitterness take root. But what if you reclaim your narrative? To set a boundary is to declare, “I will not be made small.” And to do it gently, without retaliation, is to practice the highest form of psychological resilient.
By Naazi Morad
