By Naazi Morad
The Old & Fragile Left Behind
From cradle to university, from wedding days to grandchildren, parents often give everything. Sleepless nights, quiet compromises, and decades of invisible labor; woven into meals, school fees, and whispered prayers. Yet, as time stretches on, many older parents find themselves alone. Not just physically, but emotionally.
In old-age homes. In quiet rooms. In WhatsApp groups where their messages go unread.
This isn’t just about distance. It’s about grief. About the ache of being “left behind.”
What Does Research Tell Us?
Therapy often leans on data to understand the depth of what people are going through. Below are findings from studies that illuminate the emotional and psychological effects when parents are “left behind”:
- In a review of 25 studies, older parents whose adult children have migrated or moved away show higher levels of depression and loneliness, lower life satisfaction, poorer psychological health and even declines in cognitive ability, compared to parents who live with or near their children. PubMed
- In India, a longitudinal study found that 36% of older parents have at least one migrant child, and 35% are “empty nesters.” These older adults were significantly more likely to report poor self-rated health and symptoms of depression. PubMed
- Another Indian study revealed that the out-migration of adult children was strongly associated with worse mental health for older parents. Even when financial remittances are made, the lack of face-to-face connection, emotional support, and social participation takes a heavy toll. BioMed Central+1
- Research in geriatrics shows that one big reason parents move into old-age homes is lack of support from children — either because children are far away, busy, unable to provide needed care, or because family structure has changed (smaller families, fewer siblings)
The Psychology of Abandonment
Loneliness in older age isn’t just circumstantial, it’s psychological.
- Attachment wounds may resurface, especially if the parent’s own childhood lacked nurturing.
- Unmet emotional needs, for appreciation, companionship, or closure, can deepen the sense of rejection.
- Cultural expectations often compound the pain: “I raised you, now you must care for me.”
But adult children, too, carry wounds. Some distance themselves to protect their own healing. Some don’t know how to reconnect. Some are simply overwhelmed.
What Happens Emotionally & Psychologically,
Parents who feel left behind are often contending with a mix of:
- Grief & loss: not only of loved ones, but of roles, identity, purpose
- Shame or guilt: maybe thinking “I am a burden,” or worrying what neighbors or society think
- Anger or resentment: feeling that after all they did, they are forgotten or neglected
- Loneliness and anxiety: fearing being alone or dying alone, worrying about health without support
- Depression and diminished self-worth
For many adult children, there can also be mixed emotions: guilt, pressure, overwhelm, feeling torn between their own lives and obligations, and the love or responsibility they feel toward parents
How Therapy Can Help
At Wellness Within Therapy, we believe that no one should feel discarded or left behind, whether as a parent or an adult child. Here’s how therapy can help mend the rifts, rebuild connection, and heal emotional wounds:
Social Connection & Community
Encouraging engagement in social networks: friends, support groups, community centers. Sometimes outside support (senior centers, peer groups) reduces isolation more than we realise.
Creating a Safe Space
A neutral place where both parent and adult child can express feelings without blame. Sometimes just being heard is a powerful first step.
Reframing “Burden” Stories
Helping parents see that needing help does not mean being a burden, and helping children understand that love and care can be given in new ways, even when traditional roles change.
Boundary Setting & Realistic Expectations
Work on what is realistic — what level of care children can provide, what help parents need, and finding ways to bridge the gap (e.g. visits, remote check-ins, community support).
Grief, Loss & Identity Work
Helping older parents mourn lost roles, identity, companionship. Helping adult children process guilt, loss, feelings of helplessness.
Planning Ahead Together
Discussing care plans, living arrangements, expectations before crises. Deciding together what is acceptable, affordable, and meaningful.
💬 For Adult Children Reading This
You don’t owe perfection. But you can offer presence.
- A call.
- A visit.
- A question: “What was your favorite memory from childhood?”
Sometimes, healing begins not with answers, but with curiosity.
Final Reflection
To the old and fragile: You are not a burden. You are a library of love, waiting to be read again.
To the grown children: You are not failing. You are learning to love in new ways.
Let us meet in the middle—with compassion, with courage, and with the willingness to rewrite the ending.
