By Naazi Morad

Every one of us is searching for something.

Love. Security. Acceptance. Peace. A sense of belonging. At the heart of all this searching is a simple human need: to feel whole. Yet sometimes, in our longing to feel complete, we begin to chase things or people that are not healthy for us — or that belong in someone else’s life. This is not said with judgment, but with compassion. Because when people chase what harms them or others, it is often coming from deep emotional pain, not cruelty.

When Desire Comes From Hurt

Many people find themselves drawn to married men or married women, even when they know this goes against their values, faith, and cultural teachings. Often, this does not come from wanting to cause harm, but from loneliness, unmet needs, and the longing to feel chosen.

But we must gently ask: How long can happiness last when it is built on someone else’s heartbreak?

What begins in secrecy often grows into fear, insecurity, and distrust. A relationship formed through emotional injury struggles to become a place of peace. This is not about blame. It is about awareness.

Looking at the Pattern, Not the Person

There is a pattern many of us fall into: “I want this, and I will get it, even if it costs someone else their peace.” This pattern is not love. It is unmet emotional hunger. It is unhealed wounds asking to be seen. When we act from this place, we are not guided by purpose — we are guided by pain.

Unrealistic Expectations and Emotional Shortcuts

We see the same pattern in other areas of life. People want quick money, quick healing, quick answers. Sometimes this leads to choices that compromise values or hurt others. But healing does not grow from shortcuts. Anything built without integrity becomes fragile. What is rushed without reflection rarely brings peace. True fulfillment takes time, patience, and responsibility.

Trying to Change Others Instead of Understanding Ourselves

Many people say:

“My husband hurts me.”
“My wife does not treat me well.”
“I feel unloved.”

And so they search everywhere for someone who can change the other person:

• Therapy as a miracle solution
• Spiritual leaders to fix a broken bond
• Healers to make love return

While support can be helpful, healing does not come from forcing another person to change.

Healing begins when we ask:

Why do I remain in pain?
What do I need to learn about myself?
What boundaries am I afraid to set?

Sometimes the most powerful change is not changing others, but choosing ourselves.

The Distraction of Gossip

Another way we avoid our own healing is through gossip. Talking about other people’s lives, marriages, and mistakes can feel easier than sitting with our own struggles. Gossip becomes a shield against self-reflection.

But it does not heal wounds. It only spreads discomfort and disconnection. When we focus less on others and more on our own inner work, something begins to shift.

A Gentle Pause for Reflection

Take a moment and ask yourself:

• What am I chasing right now?
• What is driving this desire — love or fear?
• Who may be affected by my choices?
• What kind of future do I truly want?

There are no guarantees in life.
But there is always a choice.

Choosing Dignity, Growth, and Compassion

Choose dignity over ego. Choose reflection over impulse. Choose growth over temporary comfort.

When you choose not to take happiness from another person’s pain, you strengthen your own self-respect. Growth begins when we act with compassion — for others and for ourselves. True healing is not about obtaining what we want. It is about becoming who we are meant to be.

A Closing Thought

What we chase often reveals what we feel we lack. But wholeness is not found in someone else’s marriage, someone else’s life, or someone else’s story. It is found in: Self-awareness, boundaries, accountability, kindness and

• Purpose

When we stop chasing what harms and begin choosing what heals, our lives begin to change.

Not because the world changed… But because we did.

Wellness Within Therapy
Healing begins within.