By Naazi Morad
There is a quiet tension growing in many homes today. Adult children still live with their parents, yet live as though the home runs on its own. They sleep late. They work, but do not contribute. They move through the house without seeing the labour that keeps it alive. An elderly mother wakes before dawn to clean, cook, and prepare for the day. While her grown children wake hours later, dress, and leave as if nothing has happened. There is no shame, no discomfort, no pause to ask, “How can I help?” Only expectation. It is easy to say the parents are to blame. And sometimes, yes, patterns were created over years of rescuing, over-giving, and protecting children from responsibility. But what happens when parents do communicate? When they shout, cry, plead, and nothing changes? What happens when every request is met with defensiveness, anger, or silence?
From a psychological perspective, this is not simply laziness. It is emotional disconnection from responsibility. Many adult children have grown up in homes where needs were met before they were felt. Food appeared. Clothes were washed. Problems were solved. Over time, this can quietly teach a dangerous lesson: Someone else will always take care of it. Responsibility is not learned through words alone. It is learned through experience. When children are not required to participate in the life of the household, they do not develop the inner muscle of contribution. Instead, entitlement grows — not because they are cruel, but because they were never taught to notice.
Defensiveness is another key piece. When parents finally explode in frustration, the adult child often hears criticism, not guidance. The nervous system goes into protection mode: I am being attacked. I am being controlled. This creates a cycle — parents shout because they feel unseen, and children withdraw because they feel judged. No one feels respected. Everyone feels resentful. Over time, empathy erodes. The adult child no longer sees a tired mother. They see noise. Pressure. Interference. The emotional bond weakens, and behaviour becomes self-focused.
We see this same pattern in public spaces. I once stood in a queue at a pharmacy and watched a young child pull chocolates off the shelf and throw them onto the floor. Both parents saw it and did nothing. Before either of them reacted, the woman in front of me bent down and started picking them up. The parents did not apologise. They did not correct the child. They simply continued their conversation. This moment reveals something deeper than poor manners. It shows a child learning that someone else will clean up their disruption. It shows parents unconsciously teaching: Your behaviour has no consequence. The world will adjust to you. This is how entitlement is formed — not through arrogance, but through absence of correction.
Psychologically, this reflects a shift in parenting styles. Many modern parents fear upsetting their children. They confuse love with comfort and boundaries with cruelty. In trying not to be harsh, they become permissive. But children raised without responsibility struggle later with frustration, relationships, and respect for others. They grow into adults who expect service rather than participate in community. They are not evil. They are emotionally underdeveloped in the area of accountability.
This does not mean the older generation is perfect, nor does it mean the younger generation is lost. It means there is a breakdown in teaching shared responsibility. A home is not a hotel. A family is not staff. Love is not silent sacrifice. Healthy families are built on contribution, not consumption. When adult children are never required to give back, they remain psychologically dependent even while believing they are independent.
What we are witnessing is not just a behaviour problem. It is a relational wound. Parents feel used. Children feel controlled. Both feel misunderstood. And slowly, resentment replaces connection. Healing begins when responsibility is taught with calm consistency instead of anger. When expectations are clear instead of emotional. When contribution is normalised rather than negotiated in crisis. It also begins when parents stop over-functioning and allow discomfort to teach what lectures cannot.
Perhaps the deeper question is not, “Why are young adults so entitled?” but “What have we taught them about living with others?” And even more honestly: What are we afraid will happen if we stop doing everything for them?
Homes do not fall apart because of dishes and chores. They fracture because of unseen emotional contracts — who gives, who takes, and who feels valued. Responsibility is not about control. It is about dignity. Teaching a child to clean, to notice, to help, is not punishment. It is preparation for life.
If we want a generation that respects elders, we must teach them how to see them. If we want adults who contribute, we must let them practice. And if we want peace in our homes, we must replace shouting with structure, guilt with guidance, and silence with honest boundaries.
If you feel unheard, overwhelmed, or emotionally drained in your family role, support is available. You deserve peace in your home and dignity in your relationships.
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